Time has both felt like it’s stopped while also gone by so fast. At least for me, summer is usually a time for change, excitement, adventure, and many, many plans.

This summer has a lot of uncertainty though. Will I be spending it indoors most of the time? Will I go back to my office? Will I ride a bus? A plane? See a movie? Visit friends? I could go on and on about things I might not be able to do this summer. It’s easy to come up with a list of things I might be missing out on in the next season, just like I did in the spring.

I don’t want to blink and summer be gone just as spring went though. So I’ve forced myself to think about what things won’t be canceled. What do I hope to have felt over the summer? While I have no idea what specifics can be, there are some things I know I can do, feel, see, no matter what the future holds.

Feelings don’t have to come from specific things or experiences. Honestly, I should know by now that life literally never turns out how I anticipate it will. No matter what I plan for this summer, I know the actual experience will be a lot different. A girl can dream though.

Now listen, this next part might be a little weird to read. Just know, t’s even weirder for me as I’m publishing it on the Internet. I’m writing a letter to my future self, hoping that I can read this at the end of summer, and then look back at this exact moment with happiness that I took this leap. I know, I’m technically talking to myself here, but I swear it’s fine. Honestly, though, anything goes during these times. So, here goes nothing —

Dear Ashleigh,

You’ve made it to the end of summer. I’m sure you’re sick of the heat and can’t wait until you can wear sweaters again. This summer was…unique. That’s for sure. But you know what, you made it through. A few months ago, you were anxious about how you’d feel at this very moment. You were so unsure of what was to come, trying to be positive but having so many doubts. So, was this summer how you expected it? What was your favorite memory? Are you tan? Please tell me you at least got a little bit of sun.

I expect you’ve done these things a few times over the past weeks—

spent long days laying by the pool
took some really long naps
watched the sunrise with coffee in hand
bought things you didn’t need
added to your “finished books” pile
laughed at videos of babies
drank really good wine
tried a new recipe and loved it
planned an adventure
cried for no reason (or over something really, really cute)
enjoyed cool morning runs that made you forget about the hot days
had waffles for dinner. and breakfast. and lunch.
ate ice cream sundaes with extra toppings
filled up your journal
caught up with a friend
forgot to run in the morning and endured long, hot, sweaty runs
added polaroid photos to your wall
tried a new recipe and hated it
drank a little too much wine
got lost in a movie

Over the past season, you’ve felt warmth, inspiration, emotion, fullness, empowerment, happiness. As well as sadness, anxiety, fear, restlessness, disappointment too. You’ve lived. You’ve made it through another season of life, and I’m so proud. At the beginning of summer, you had a lot of doubts as to what things summer could bring. Now, you know that it’s brought you everything you wanted, and more.

Love,

Me

This post was thanks to Illuminate, a writing community by The Kindred Voice. Here’s what the others in my group created from this month’s theme of writing letters:

Everything is "A Lot" Right Now by Kristin Rouse
A Letter to Who I Used to Be by Mia Sutton
To My Son by Sarah Hartley
To the Man Who'll Carve My Headstone by Liz Russell
An Open Letter to People of Color by Amy Clark
pen pals. by Eunice Brownlee
The Lost Art of Letter Writing by Amy Rich
Returned Letters by Jenny Surgenor
A Letter to You by Mala Kennedy