I haven’t been feeling creative and that’s okay…Right?
You’re seeing it everywhere — now that we have “all this free time” we should be pursuing our side hustles. If you’re like me you’ve ever said “I’d do X… if only I had more time,” all eyes are on us right now.
Taking away the fact that not everyone has clear schedules right now — whether your job has moved to remote work (hi, that’s me), you now have added “teacher” to your daily to do, or maybe you’re an essential worker who is going into work normally (or even working more now) — is this “free time” really free?
Even with the understanding that hello, this is a global pandemic // scary times and that takes a lot out of us mentally — I’ve still been feeling really guilty for not “utilizing my time.”
I’ve recently joined a writing community within The Kindred Voice, Illuminate, in hopes that paying for a membership would kick my butt into gear to create. I’m more of a “spur of the moment” person, or at least that’s my excuse when it comes to creating, so this group has been forcing me to challenge that. With prompts…and due dates. This month’s prompt really spoke to me and I knew I had to respond to it, even if the thought of writing almost made me cry. What is one way you’ve been creative in the past few weeks? How did it make you feel?
Immediately, the guilt of not utilizing my free time to respond to this prompt with little projects hit me. I just launched my blog, it should be filled with posts by now since I have “all this free time.” Let me tell you, I’ve tried to write. Each time I “planned” to sit down and write, I couldn’t. The words wouldn’t form or it’d be incoherent thoughts jumbled on the screen. This prompt response has taken me over a week to write. If if I’m being honest, I’m even up right now finishing it, only within an hour or so until it’s scheduled to be published.
SO, WHAT HAVE I BEEN CREATING?
For me, I enjoy creating things when I’m feeling inspired. Sure, I’ll have inspiration from times of pain, but suffering is not the creative environment I strive for. Some of my best work has come from reflection — times that I can sit down, be in a better place than I was, and reflect on those hard times, not write about them in the moment.
Right now, I’m in the hard times. We all are. Our normal routines have been turned upside down. Something as ordinary as going to the grocery store doesn’t look the same anymore, and with each trip, more unexpected things can happen. It’s true, working from home has given me about an extra 1 to 2 hours a day thanks to not having to commute each day. I wish that I could fill these hours with creative projects. The truth is though, I can’t turn my creativity on or off.
It’s hard for me to create from a place of pain. But, it’s not impossible, as I’m proving by writing this post.
After sitting down to think about it, I have been creative this past month. Not only can my creative projects be shown through my writing, but also as I flip through my planner and see the doodles // writings in there. When I take a picture after adding toppings to my waffle or creating my latest coffee. When I sign onto my Pinterest and see the things I’m pinning, with a hope that things will go back to normal one day. Even when I decide to pull together a cute outfit to wear instead of staying in my pjs.
All of these things are creative ways I express myself. I don’t have to be doing these things right now — but even in these times of pain and worry, my creativity is still finding little ways to be expressed.
SO, HOW DOES THIS REALIZATION MAKE ME FEEL?
I quite literally feel relieved. I have been creative, just in a different way than normal. And since life right now isn’t normal, that’s the best I can expect.
Though I do feel some guilt still — especially because the deadline for this post is within an hour + I’m still writing away — I feel proud. Look at me doing things even while my mind is in panic mode most of the time!
If you’re feeling down on yourself for not creating at your usual caliber right now, I challenge you to stop thinking about what you’re not doing and think about what you are doing. I’m certain you’ll find your own moments of creativity. And believe me, it feels good once you realize you’re still doing something during these crazy times.
If you’re still feeling uninspired, check out what the others in my writing group created from the same prompt:
Creativity in Decline (a poem) by Mia Sutton
I'm Not Really Creative. Am I? by Amy Clark
Creativity in a Pandemic by Sarah Hartley
A Cross-Creative Quarantine: Re-finding Purpose in Strange Times by Elizabeth Russell
How Creativity Will Change What Happens Next by Melissa Boles
Illuminate: Creativity by Danielle Brigante